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nilium
09 April 2013 @ 01:03 am
Wow, Last draft was from 3yrs ago+

meh any who here to express right

We have become that which we fear

Tis as it all always is. The hunter becomes the hunted. Hate begets hate. To all those dead in foriegn lands by all hands I apologize. I wish I could relieve you of some pain. I wish you knew it wasn't I who desired this strife upon you. I .... Feel so ashamed for what has been done.
 
 
nilium
16 January 2010 @ 10:32 pm
ok seesh up it has been so forever since I posted. And well in reality I was using this space for contemplative thought and I havent done much of that lately. So now that I am in the middle of naked yoga and journal updating I am contemplating what I should do with my life. I mean I have what looks and feels like a good job. No objections my bosses are awesome and actually listen and respect the opinions of their employees. But it's odd home I always find myself contemplative of the rejection of all material wealth and belongings. ironically not so much as a religious thing or concept but as a disassociation with the current state of society. It hurts it really one. I mean so many people out there are alone, feel alone, have no one who they can go to. I don't have many but I don't really need / want the ones I have. I mean I would can and am fine with no help. And many who are not I would and wish I could help. But I can. And it isn't my fault damn it not my fault. They can't the won't I mean you can't help those who refuse to be helped. I wish I didn't know. It sucks I mean the fact that it is all so clear yet not. Ha got you confused there don't I? Well don't worry. It's just the weird odd and curios effect that occurs when I relax and don't focus. I mean fuck it's so hard so hard when it feels like the world is a painting and you have slept with the artist. Well I guess thats the way it goes. Wish my brain had an off switch.
 
 
nilium
05 October 2009 @ 11:53 pm
The echos of my heart hang heavy upon the sills of yesterdays. The light through the window not bright enough in so many ways. The voices lost to the ears gone away.

It will all disappear someday someday
No one lives forever
nothing lasts for eternity

I can't fix everyone, I can't help myself I can't not try though I know i know I should just go by..

Would you step in front of a train to save one person? ten? a hundred? does it matter? What If they never knew?

Ok enough absinthe tonight I think, we will continue the study of why I am crazy tomorrow...
 
 
nilium
03 September 2009 @ 11:17 pm
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Current Mood: amusedamused
 
 
 
 
nilium
11 August 2009 @ 09:09 pm
Figured a week was to long 'tween posts. So I shall follow with thoughts and comments that though meaningless in this context are there.


Odd the underlying tension in all we say, odd in that it usually goes the other way. but as we say odd is good (2E)

I'm so sorry and I wish I could return and say what I meant. I've let you down again and it may be for the last time. When will I see you again? (2A)

No matter where I go and who I see I still have you haunting me. Let me find a way to let you go. Let me find a way to be free. (2J)

On a side note don't think Dido is who I should be listening to. When shall I find an escape, when can I let go, when can I just lose myself, to the moment.
 
 
nilium
22 July 2009 @ 02:07 am
So I had a whole week off from work, and now I have to go back. I need to be up in less than seven hours.. I randomly started a livejournal instead of going to bed. List of things going through my mind right now...
1. Am I going to have any free time in the next few months?
2. Why do people not respond to messages when you haven't seen them in months or more?
3. Do I really think I can get enough money to go to morocco next spring?
4. Should I have taken that job in Vegas back in june?

On the plus side I had a really nice weekend, a wonderful detour from the daily grind. Maybe I should just cook something, that always seems to help... Oh wait happy thoughts... I got potatoes out of my garden today, only a small handful but that means there will be many more.

Ok I think I have said what needed to be said, well not really but no need to make My first entry a rant. (I'll do that next week)
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Current Mood: tiredtired